Gossip Train
by YungVodkaDikost
Summary: It was alittle known fact that the Akatsuki were notorious for their love of gossip. When a little bit of false info reaches the organization, Deidara and Sakura can't help but string them along just a little for a few laughs. Contains Sasori and Itachi fantasizing about babies, Pein swooning about a new OTP, Kakazu losing money, and Hidan calling the Bomber pretty. God save us all


**And I'm back with another One-shot. My writers block is fighting me hardcore and it's making it a bitch to write the next chappy of Clash. So this abomination was kind of spawned out of desperation? Boredom? Maybe a little too much booze? Who the hell knows.**

 **Anyways!**

 **I do not own Naruto or its characters, just the plot to this thing, whatever the hell it is.**

 **Please leave a review, favorite, and follow if you enjoyed!**

 **S Lyubov'yu,**

 **Casper, the slightly intoxicated ghost.**

* * *

Sakura awoke to the feeling of another body pressed up against her own. She was honestly surprised that she hadn't been roused from her slumber sooner, considering the horrifically loud snoring that her left ear was being abused with. She turned her head and was met with the sight of mused blond hair. As far as she was concerned, there was only one person on base with such blond hair.

The Mad Bomber of the Akatsuki; Deidara.

He was asleep in her bed.

Why the fuck was he sleeping in her bed and treating her as if she were some sort of disturbing replacement for a fucking teddy bear?

" _Deidara!"_

Deidara pulled her closer into his chest and grumbled sleepily into her shoulder.

"Mornin' Sakura, un..."

"The hell do you think you're doing in my bed and cuddling me, no less?", she asked as calmly as she could.

"Your bed is more comfy than mine, un.", he mumbled, Sakura felt him shrug behind her.

"Well that's all fine and dandy but you couldn't sleep somewhere else?"

"Mmm..no, un."

"Someone is going to get the wrong idea, you know. I know you're gay, but the others don't.", she pointed out. In truth, she really didn't mind him sleeping in her bed with her. She really didn't. She just didn't want the others to think something was going on between her and the blond. It wasn't common knowledge to anybody outside of the village, but the Akatsuki were avid gossipers and gamblers. If they even caught the tiniest word about something going on between two members of the organization, they'd hope on that gossip train faster than Kisame could devour his food. Both were quite undignified. But that isn't the point. The point is that she didn't feel like having the others falsely gossip about her and the blond, or have bets placed on how long they had supposedly been sleeping together behind their backs.

The blond was gay damn it!

Although they didn't exactly know that little tidbit of information.

"So let them think that, un. Just think about how amusing it will be to watch them squirm while they wait around for me to put the moves on you in front of them, un. Or how much money we could make off of Kakazu, heh", he laughed into her shoulder, giving her a good squeeze.

"You know what, that really does sound like an amusing sight.", she agreed.

"Now then, ten more minutes, un? I'm comfy."

"Fine. But send a mouse to Kakazu to place our bet against him first."

"Yes, ma'am, un."

* * *

Back in the common room of the base, the gossip train between members was in full swing. If they weren't famous for being a ruthless band of S-class missing-nin, you'd think they were those cliche granny's that say and drank tea all day while watching the love birds around them swoon and drool all over each other.

Quit picturing Itachi and Sasori in a dress, I know you're doing it. Stop those thoughts right there, young man or lady. Which ever you prefer. Anyways, back to the gossip.

"So, I heard a great bit of gossip this morning from a little birdy.", Kisame piped up.

The room immediately went silent as the other members of the organization crowded around the blue skinned man, their mouths metaphorically frothing at thew thought of a new bit of juicy gossip.

"The fuck did you hear, fish face?!"

I don't think we need to discuss who is cursing at our poor blue friend in such a sailor like manner.

"Don't get your thong in a twist, Hidan. I'm getting there.", the blue man sighed.

"For the last time, it's a fucking mankini."

"Gross...", Pein cringed.

"Anyways, moving on from Hidan's creepy taste in underwear...I heard that Deidara and Sakura are sleeping together.", Kisame smirked.

"WHAT?!", the others screeched.

Kisame could have sworn he heard a window shatter somewhere in the base. He was pretty sure he'd heard the two ninja mentioned fall out of bed too somewhere down the hall.

"Blonde Bitch! Doc Bitch! Get your asses out here right fucking now!", Hidan roared.

The room went silent again as they awaited the two absent members of the organization to grace them with their presence. They knew that the Blond Bomber had a bit of a habit of sneaking into the pink haired medics room at night, but they'd never expected this. They thought maybe he just liked to cuddle! If him snuggling into one of them every time one of them took a mission with him was any indication on the matter. Seriously, they thought he was a damn cuddler.

As the medic and the bomber entered the room hand in hand, they took in the looks on their comrades faces with no small amount of amusement. They knew that sooner or later their friends would draw some sort of conclusion about Deidara sneaking into Sakura's room eventually, but they didn't think it would be this soon. They could barely contain their amusement and really wanted to know just what was going on in the others' heads right then. They decided to play the part of happy couple in front of their comrades, even if it was far from the truth. Deidara was gay after all, he felt nothing below the belt for the medic. And that was totally fine with the dup. But hey, if their comrades thought they were a couple, why not have a few laughs at their expense?

"Aww, what cute little love birds.", Kisame cooed.

"About fucking time that asshat got some pussy, get me?", Hidan muttered, "Lucky bastard."

"When can I expect cute blond haired, green eyed babies?", Itachi demanded.

It was a known fact around the organization that the Uchiha loved children and for whatever reason, enjoyed knitting baby booties in his spare time.

"Yes, I do insist on a few children from the two of you. They will make great additions to our plans.", Pein commented.

"Tobi just wants to snuggle them.", Tobi shrugged.

"Babies...", Sasori hissed under his breath.

The red heads love for babies probably burned stronger than the Uchiha's, to be completely honest.

Shocking, I know.

Sakura and Deidara exchanged a look before nodding to each other.

Before the rest of the Akatsuki could continue with their slew of questions, the blond swooped down and captured the medics lips with his own.

Shall we gauge the reactions of their friends? I think we should.

Kisame smirked, truly enjoying that his two friends were happy.

Itachi was busy fishing out his knitting needles out of his cloak. There were baby booties to be made!

Sasori's head was in the clouds, picturing a couple of toddlers trotting through the halls of the base.

Pein was disturbingly enough, swooning like a fan girl. Feel free to cringe.

Tobi, well, was Tobi and had no idea what was going on but shot the Bomber a thumbs up.

Hidan flushed with jealousy before turning his head away from the scene. Bastards, the lot of them!

Kakazu just shrugged and went back to counting his money.

Konan, well, nobody even knew where the blue haired woman was.

When the couple drew apart, they turned to face their comrades once more, smirking sadistically at them.

"What's with the creepy looks on your faces?", Sasori asked with a raised eyebrow.

"We have some news for you, un!"

"You're a couple?", Pein asked, obviously a little confused by what his newest ship was going to tell them.

"Well, you see...", Sakura started, a blush present on her cheeks.

"You're pregnant?!", Itachi cried hopefully, his knitting needles sharp and ready.

"Uh, no."

"Then what is it?", Kisame asked.

"I'm gay, un!", Deidara asked.

"I FUCKING KNEW IT! NOBODY THAT PRETTY CAN BE STRAIGHT!", Hidan roared victoriously, pumping a fist in the air.

"Did you just call me pretty, un?"

"Shut the fuck up."

"But...the babies! The kiss! MY OTP!", Pein cried.

"Babies...", Itachi and Sasori hissed.

"I need a drink.", Kisame grumbled, exiting the room.

"Kakazu, you owe me money.", Sakura smirked.

"Why does he owe you money?", Hidan asked, squinting his eyes at the medic.

Nobody even noticed that he hadn't cursed.

"Dei and I bet Kakazu that we could rile all of you up like the old women you know you are on the inside if we pretended to be a couple. And we won.", Sakura smirked, reaching a hand out to the stitched man across from her.

"Damn you, Pinky.", Kakazu grunted before handing her a wad of cash.

"It's been a pleasure.", Sakura saluted before dragging the Bomber out of the room with her.

Hidan watched them go before turning to the red head and Uchiha sitting next to him. He'd seen a lot of shit in his life, but this shit was just downright disturbing. Sasori was in Itachi's lap, sulking, and Itachi had his arms wrapped securely around the smaller mans middle.

"The fuck is wrong with you two?", Hidan cringed.

"BABIES!", they hissed.

* * *

 **I don't even know what the hell this is or why it was spawned. Don't even ask. But, uh, yeah.**

 **Anyways!**

 **If you enjoyed, leave a review, favorite, and follow!**

 **Until Next Time!**


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